He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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