I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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