If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
