I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
