he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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