One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize