i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
