You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
