Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
