youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Shame - the story of my life.
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