We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize