Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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