Pappa wants mamma naked
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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