my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
