you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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