I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Let's get the cat blown out
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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