I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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