True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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