So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
