If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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