guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
