I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize