She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
