Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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