The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
