Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
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