I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
