why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Couch. On fire.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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