drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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