dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
