honey bunches of taint.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
