I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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