He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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