he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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