the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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