Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
