eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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