They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
