trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
