my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
