I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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