Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
