operation harelip BJ is a go
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
