I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
