so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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