my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
