I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
