Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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