Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
