My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
