dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She announced her abortion via fbk
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize