me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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