seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
