idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My first STD was from a foam party
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Success! We fucked roommates!
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