I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
