Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize