It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize