She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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