if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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