he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just gift wrapped bread.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
