im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
