And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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