last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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