The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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