My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
