break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
