I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
